Everything has an end, and so are our university’s journeys. When reaching this final year in university, some people might feel rewarded for the achievements they have conquered, the internships they have had, or the meaningful network they have built. Others might get nervous about getting into the workplace environment and not being able to party every weekend anymore. Some get the confidence as a senior student, willing to give back advice to their fellow lower-classmen on anything. Meanwhile, some believe they are “not good enough” to merely give their opinion. I genuinely have a small part of every one of those feelings.
Being a senior in university is much different than when in high school. When I was in my last year of high school, it felt like another “last year of middle school,” where I transferred between two educational institutions. (For context, in Vietnam, from middle school to high school, we need to do a city-wide examination to get into better public schools. The struggle was the same: it was the same GPA preparation, the same difficult consideration about which school to apply to, the realization that we got to say bye to the old friends and start creating new relationships in a new place with new people. This argument is also based on the usual trend I saw in my country, where parents always try to afford their kids’ university education, or at least community college.
When it comes to graduating from university, it is such a weird feeling that has been gnawing at me lately. The worry is not about just friends, grades, or moving to a new place. It is now the worry of what I will do after graduation, when you have no specific interest in anything, how I pay off my parents’ investment, should I take a gap year, the friend in the same class looks so “ready”…and tons of other questions that keep hovering in my head. It was not that I did not follow the instructions of any typical guided book for students, it is just…unfortunate, I believe.
When it comes to interacting with the lower classmen. It felt worse. It is the lack of credibility that I always hide behind. How would someone else come to you for questions about a job, which I assume most students care about, from a person without a single job, even with the title “senior”? Senior Rejection Receiver? Senior Grinder @Leavy? Sometimes, people ask about “…doing anything fun apart from studying?” I paused … and then sighed: “I don’t go out either.” I spent most of my time studying, but ended up with nothing, so the remaining time for other, more “alive” activities has also gone. You might know the feeling of putting all the eggs in one basket, but still ending up with nothing. That is me studying. Every time, it felt worse and worse every time I was asked.
A lot of people talked about the upside of college, of those who enjoy every moment of them existing here. But that is not the entire truth. People are saying, “These are the best years of your life.” No! Not everyone’s life is colorful. There are still many students who struggle, or at most, feel hopeless, even if they are titled “senior.”