Moving here to the U.S. and attending college in a totally different country taught me the lesson of acceptance.
Accept that I cannot control every outcome, but I totally can decide how much effort I put in.
Accept that hard work does not guarantee success, but never giving up does. For all the things I try to put myself to do consistently, if I allow myself to quit once, there will be a second, and a third. It is hard not to be tempted by that “only this time” decision, but once I can overcome that temptation multiple times, everything after that is much easier.
Accept that I could always be a bad person in anyone’s story, and that’s fine.
I basically cannot please everyone I meet, I am just a normal person, not an AI. Ironically, even an AI cannot please everyone. It has been getting much better now that I know who to spend time with, so that I don’t feel wasteful. I know who I share my feelings with, not being afraid of judgment. Even if that is only one or two people, that’s all I need. I started to treat my emotions as a daily-charged battery. Every day, I will decide to be around the people I want to use those batteries with. Being around criticized people will drain my battery faster. Being around supportive and inspirational relationships can eat up the battery more slowly, and even boost it back, leaving me with more energy to do my own things.
People will come and go, even the good ones. The thing here is just to embrace your values and care about who actually cares. Indeed, if you are afraid of being alone, it is still much more peaceful than being surrounded by the wrong people!
Accept that I have so many weaknesses and things to fix.
I realize that I am a hot-tempered person, not only with others, but also with myself. Any sayings while being angry can cause permanent scars for listeners, and it works the same way with self-talk. I reached a new PR in the gym; I should have been happy, but I compared, and then felt defeated. I spent my non-class time during my three years of college participating in a martial arts team, and I just got my black belt recently. I then compared that to a friend of mine just getting an internship, and then I felt bad, “A black belt can not feed you, but an internship will”. How stupid those comparisons were! I am glad that now I can get better at getting rid of those shallow, ridiculous comparisons and trying to be better every day, especially in what I do, not in anyone’s standard. Being aware of my own values really helps me set boundaries of what I can, can’t, should, and shouldn’t do, and eventually take ownership of my emotions.
I realized I slowly expressed the part of my mom that I didn’t want to become when I was a kid. She overworked, sacrificing her mental health and emotional battery, and then what was left was numbness when interacting with me. For me, at least, I can name it, which is a good start, I think. Hopefully, I can go further in exploring how I could “control” this piece of personality, rather than “fix” it.
Accept that my parents are being “parents” for the first time.
Accept that the things I longed for from my parents are the things they never received from their parents. I stopped blaming my parents for not doing this, not doing that. I felt fortunate to have access to sources of modern information, which influenced me to realize that our parents are also struggling. Sometimes, it is uncomfortable to explain what I think to them, and I feel like they will never make an effort to understand me. But “Please be patient!” - I tried to calm myself down every time. They are getting old, but this world keeps changing so fast, and so do their son’s directions. How are they gonna catch up with all of that? I realized healing is an endless journey, requiring everyone involved to make a step. Mom still scolds me, but now, at least, she understands what makes me sad. I hung up the phone when I felt the anger building up inside, then called her again. Just small things like that really help.
Acceptance is forgiving others, forgiving my parents, forgiving my loved ones.
Acceptance is forgiving my inner self…